Leisure After a Lifetime

" In his work, therefore, he does not affirm himself but denies himself, does not feel content but unhappy, does not develop freely his physical and mental energy but mortifies his body and ruins his mind." 
                                


It's going to rain, and I should take in my clothes. Maithili went to the terrace because the servant was on leave today and nobody else was home. While climbing the stairs, she felt her breath slow down and realized she was now 60. Opening the door to the terrace, she paused for a moment, captivated by the pink skies. It had been 3-4 decades since she last saw a pink sky. Tears streamed down her face. Yesterday marked her retirement from civil service. She had been quite famous in her career, not only as a civil servant but also as a writer and activist. She held postgraduate degrees in nine subjects.

She started preparing for the civil service at 18 and cracked it on her first attempt, continuing to study extensively while working. Forty-two years had passed since she fell into what she now saw as the biggest trap of her life. How should she productively use her leisure time? Maithili sat on the terrace, watching the sky and pondering the meaning of "leisure." She recalled her professor's words: "In life, you should keep some time for doing nothing. This is very important because the rest of life will not offer you that."

Without hesitation, she ran to her room and retrieved her old diary. Inside were numerous sketches of pink skies she had drawn when she was young. She had abandoned these pursuits at 18, deeming them unproductive by societal standards. She had achieved much in her life, but now she didn't know the meaning of leisure. Then, a call came from the National Commission for Women, offering her a position. She was happy to accept, as she had no idea how to enjoy her retirement. She closed the diary and put it back on the shelf, then went to the terrace to close the door. Her heart was breaking. People wouldn’t understand; even she couldn’t fully grasp it. There was nothing left to understand. She was no longer herself; she was simply an achievement, an achievement of somebody's tricky philosophy of productivity.

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